bluerin12's blog

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
innitmarvellous
were--ralph

you ever get tired of living but in a non-suicidal way

were--ralph

like everything is bad everywhere and no one has money and im tired of this cycle

anotherfagontheinternet

i tried to explain how i was feeling like this to my drug counselor and she was like "yeah that still sounds kinda suicidal" and i could not figure out how to explain that i don't wanna die, i just like. am so so so tired of the way life is for me and all my friends and family. i'm tired of living like this but i'm gonna keep doing it bc i guess there's no other choice

hadeantaiga

I don't wanna die, I wanna go lay on a warm field under the sun and watch the clouds go by. How is this hard to understand?

vaspider

I just want to spend a few days in the dim twilight between sleep and waking, but specifically the dim twilight of a Saturday morning in April.

voidingintotheshout

There used to be something derisive from UK psychology/psychiatry, called “shit life syndrome” where the person isn’t actually depressed they’re just unhappy because their life objectively is terrible. Like their mental health issues would go away pretty quickly if they had friends and more money, and some support and people that weren’t being cruel to them all the time. As I unpack my own mental health, I think about that frequently, and I’m more sure that I didn’t have depression. I just was unhappy and my brain was too, that so many of my basic needs were not being met. 

geeoharee

you say 'derisive' but fuck me, someone acknowledging this would have been a lot more effective than handing me a 'Have you considered not having Wrong Thoughts, citizen?' worksheet

incomparableastraea
utopians

nothing like stepping outside while the seasons are changing and suddenly feeling a change in the weather that knocks you back in time by several years

utopians

sorry professor I'm going to have to miss class today bc when I walked outside in the morning it was cold and sunny in a very specific way and suddenly I was struck with a nostalgia for years past so vivid and potent that I had to sit down

I miss bad movies

Pretentious and possibly unpopular take but, I miss unhinged cinema. Bad cinema. Less than perfect cinema. I miss the hidden gems that went straight to DVD and you had to borrow from a friend. I miss the absolutely insanely plotlines that made no sense but had you spit your drink over yourself and once more when you tried to explain it to someone. I miss watching a movie and having no clue who any of the actors were, not because you lived under a rock but simply because they had never been in anything before. Discovering weird little freaks who you kept an eye out for in future. The shaky camera, the lowbudget scenery, the movies shot in one room or in a forest due to lack of funds. The found footage movies that were clearly shot on an actual VHS. The 1hr 27min horror delights that started off understandable and went absolutely off the deepend. The movies that were just WEIRD, but delightfully so. Who had one distinguished actor playing a role wayyy out of their comfort zone and killing it. Movies where all the characters are terrible people but you root for them anyway. Movies where you literally have no idea what’s going on. Movies where the ending is so fucked up it leaves you feeling like you got hit by a bus. Movies where the mannarisms and the intination is so absurd it leaves you breathless with laughter. Movies where it starts off slow and then something absolute insane and fucked happens. Movies where everyone is put together and and then dirty and screaming by the climax. Just… weird, jumbled, stitched together shit that wasn’t perfect but you got such a kick out of anyway. Movies that would probably never have gotten made, maybe shouldn’t have gotten made, but were anyway, and you got to see it. That had heart because holy shit, someone wrote and directed that, and you gotta admire it!! Movies that the critics hated, that your parents probably hated, that became cult classics, loved fiercely by a niche group it really rung true for. Movies that weren’t polished and perfect and oh so clever that they made you roll your eyes. I love big budget blockbusters and a stellar cast and a clever story, and brilliant special effects. I really do. But I miss all the others. The ones that I imagine will now sit on a pile, gathering dust forever. That in the 80s, 90s, 2000s would have been picked up, and by god they would have given it a go. That you’d watch and go, “huh. Okay!”, or that you’d decide okay, that one is for me. That one is going straight into my collection, into my heart, I have adopted this now. Because it’s not perfect, but you love it anyway. Maybe it’s flaws make it lovable. Streaming has decimated the chances of those ever seeing the light of day. I’m sick of seeing the 5 or 6 “perfect, polished” films we get once a year. Where’s the freaky shit they keep in the vaults. That stuff is for me, and I miss it so much

im ranting about cinema to myself again and i will do so until i die probably because im a sad little film freak movies streaming the downfall of the film industry as we know it pay writers so we can get the good the bad and the weird shit back cinema anyway kill netflix
incomparableastraea
keuhkopussirotta

One thing I’ve learned about writing is ”give everything a face”. It’s no good to write passively that the nobility fled the city or that the toxic marshes were poisoning the animals beyond any ability to function. Make a protagonist see how a desperate woman in torn silks climbs onto a carriage and speeds off, or a two-headed deer wanders right into the camp and into the fire. Don’t just have an ambiguous flock of all-controlling oligarchy, name one or two representatives of it, and illustrate just how vile and greedy they are as people.

it’s bad to have characters who serve no purpose in the story, but giving something a face is a perfectly valid purpose.

tlbodine

This is the real heart of “show don’t tell”

peng-guin

My film teacher always says “write visually” and people are so confused what he means. I take it as “don’t explain the events/theme/emotion, write something that exemplifies the events/theme/emotion” ex) I am angry vs I throw the beautiful pot my grandmother made for me on the ground, and it works for me!